Big Brother

Well, the mail has just been piling up this week. Thanks to "mr. Wolf" for sending the link to this pic in.

This was taken of me at a Desiring God conference, but I think it illustrates an awesome truth.

See that huge JumboTron image of me in the background? That's how you TEDS folks should be thinking of the Don. I'm always watching you. In fact, this is the first photographic evidence that I'm aware of that proves undeniably that I can even keep watch over myself.

Don't forget.

Yes, I AM that good...

Thanks to reader J.T. for sending in the above picture.

Folks, take a good look at it.  Notice anything?

That's right: my right hand is signing that autograph so fast that the camera is straining the laws of physics just to capture it.

And you wonder how I write so much...

J.T. informed me that shortly after this picture was taken the camera gave out on them.  My personal opinion is that the camera felt so useless in the presence of my greatness and so inadequate to capture a simple autograph signing that it simply lost the will to go on.

I'm Back and I'm Not Happy

Once our flight got underway, it was actually quite lovely.  I worked on my laptop for a few hours and then got a little sleep.

And then I returned to my home in Libertyville only to find the above picture posted all over the internets.  Seriously folks, is this what it's come to?  Posting a picture on your Flickr account of Dear Old Don that says he wants to kill you?

I realize my quizzes and tests are brutal, but I rarely shoot people with frickin' laser beams from my frickin' eyeballs.  

I leave that stuff to the professionals.  Do you see?

Why RateMyProfessors.com is Garbage

So a few years ago some genius got a great idea to start a website where students could freely exchange information about which professors they should or should not take.  Students could rate a professor based on clarity, easiness, helpfulness, and even hotness.  It made the academic community sick.

You see, us professors basically excel at dominating our students based on three things:

1. Fear
2. The Unknown
3. Fear of the Unknown

So when some smarty-pants college kid thinks he can put a dent in our timeless system by starting up a website that allows students to know what they're in for before they're in the middle of it, us educators aren't going to stand for it.  What did we do about it?

Well, for starters we regularly got on RateMyProfessors.com to leave fake ratings about ourselves and our colleagues.  It's hilarious for us all to leave feedback on one professor that says he's easy only to see a ton of students take his class and fail it.

How else do you explain my ratings on the website?  D. A. Carson, the Don, one of the greatest criminal masterminds professors of our time is only rated a paltry 3.2 out of 5?  That alone should let you know the scores are fake.

I found the comments to be riotous as well.  One "student" wrote:

"His oral quizzes are worded for ambiguity, although he does not recognize the ambiguous nature of his questions, which can be a source of frustration."

That quote can't be real!  Of course I recognize the ambiguous nature of my quiz questions!  Can't you guys hear me chuckling under my breath as I read them to you!  Seriously, the looks on your faces are hysterical.  

As a matter of fact, sometimes I even ask you guys questions that I didn't actually lecture on.  The funny thing?  Whenever you ask if we covered it in class, I'm adamant that we did and I'll even tell you the exact date we "covered it."  Then I watch you act like you suddenly remember us going over it now.  Priceless!

Anyway, I'm getting carried away with myself.  There's a lot of proof that these ratings are fixed, but the greatest proof is easily this:

Out of two people who rated the Don, I got zero hotness points.

I'm very hot.

Taming the Internets

Frankly, I've been meaning to do this for quite some time.  I could make a lot of excuses about how busy I am: chairing a plethora of committees, writing stacks of books, nurturing the minds of seminarians, and single-handedly keeping Evangelicalism afloat both in the U.S. and abroad--I don't know how I do it all.

But I've finally decided to write my own blog.  I've got a lot to say (see here) and sometimes I just need to spit it out without seeking a book deal first.  That's right: D. A. Carson is taking on the internets.

Check back throughout the semester as I offer you my no holds barred insights on life, TEDS (for the grossly ignorant--the Carsuninformed, if you will--that's where I teach), and the scholarly world that so many of you desire to have the inside scoop on.