Q & A With the Don: John Piper Edition

After mentioning John Piper in a few posts, Stephanie has given me word that we've received a few email questions asking for my thoughts about the man.  We've decided to devote this brief Q & A to getting those out of the way so that we'll never have to talk about it again.

1.  "D.A.--You seemed to clearly allude to the fact that you don't think Piper is a good preacher.  What's up with that?"  -Jarvis

What?! That's preposterous! You completely took me out of context!!!

I never once said that John was a bad preacher; that is a totally subjective issue.  I said that John never used humor, never smiled, and always delved into Reformed theology when he preached!

That's not a criticism, though.  John Piper is exactly the way that God wants him to be, and John has taught me a lot about that over the years by beating me in the head with it.  After all, God is most glorified in us when we are most Calvified in Him.

Or something.  I always forget how the last part of that teaching goes...

2.  "Well hello there, Fake Carson!  One of my professors made a statement the other day that John Piper was the modern day J.I. Packer.  Do you agree?" -TEDS student that didn't want his name used for fear of administration wrath and hellfire

Well, I'm gonna level with you here: last time I checked, J.I. Packer was still alive.  That would seem to suggest that J.I. Packer is the modern day J.I. Packer.

So I hate to disagree with your professor, but he's wrong.  Oh, and I'm right.

3.  "Dearest FDC, Do you agree that John Piper is like the Pope of American Evangelicalism?"  -mr. Wolf

Good question (kind of).

I'm gonna let you folks in on a little secret, but you can't tell anyone else.  Wouldn't be prudent.

About 3 years ago a group of us tried to get John officially elected to be the Pope of American Evangelicalism.  Now, at the end of the day he would have just been a puppet Pope controlled by the Don, but there were several reasons it would've worked: evangelicals need strong leadership, I'm a strong leader, and John really wanted the title.

Well, Paige Patterson and Judge Paul Pressler heard about our plan and didn't like it one bit.  The day that we held a big meeting to vote on it, they had a bunch of Fundbags bussed in to strike down our vote (sound familiar?).

Ever since then, John and I have been trying to get those two to act like men and settle our differences where it matters most: the badminton court.  

Unfortunately, Patterson says he won't play unless we let him use his rifle and a hunting guide to actually take shots at us.

Pressler won't play unless he can rewrite the events of the game later on in a book to make himself look better.

So far we've declined.

Well, folks, that's all the time I have for today.  Piperites can send me hatemail here.  And both of you Patterson fans can try your hardest to reach me here.

Tomorrow I've got an important announcement to make, so check back in.