Monday, September 17, 2007

Q & A With the Don: John Piper Edition

After mentioning John Piper in a few posts, Stephanie has given me word that we've received a few email questions asking for my thoughts about the man.  We've decided to devote this brief Q & A to getting those out of the way so that we'll never have to talk about it again.

1.  "D.A.--You seemed to clearly allude to the fact that you don't think Piper is a good preacher.  What's up with that?"  -Jarvis

What?! That's preposterous! You completely took me out of context!!!

I never once said that John was a bad preacher; that is a totally subjective issue.  I said that John never used humor, never smiled, and always delved into Reformed theology when he preached!

That's not a criticism, though.  John Piper is exactly the way that God wants him to be, and John has taught me a lot about that over the years by beating me in the head with it.  After all, God is most glorified in us when we are most Calvified in Him.

Or something.  I always forget how the last part of that teaching goes...

2.  "Well hello there, Fake Carson!  One of my professors made a statement the other day that John Piper was the modern day J.I. Packer.  Do you agree?" -TEDS student that didn't want his name used for fear of administration wrath and hellfire

Well, I'm gonna level with you here: last time I checked, J.I. Packer was still alive.  That would seem to suggest that J.I. Packer is the modern day J.I. Packer.

So I hate to disagree with your professor, but he's wrong.  Oh, and I'm right.

3.  "Dearest FDC, Do you agree that John Piper is like the Pope of American Evangelicalism?"  -mr. Wolf

Good question (kind of).

I'm gonna let you folks in on a little secret, but you can't tell anyone else.  Wouldn't be prudent.

About 3 years ago a group of us tried to get John officially elected to be the Pope of American Evangelicalism.  Now, at the end of the day he would have just been a puppet Pope controlled by the Don, but there were several reasons it would've worked: evangelicals need strong leadership, I'm a strong leader, and John really wanted the title.

Well, Paige Patterson and Judge Paul Pressler heard about our plan and didn't like it one bit.  The day that we held a big meeting to vote on it, they had a bunch of Fundbags bussed in to strike down our vote (sound familiar?).

Ever since then, John and I have been trying to get those two to act like men and settle our differences where it matters most: the badminton court.  

Unfortunately, Patterson says he won't play unless we let him use his rifle and a hunting guide to actually take shots at us.

Pressler won't play unless he can rewrite the events of the game later on in a book to make himself look better.

So far we've declined.

Well, folks, that's all the time I have for today.  Piperites can send me hatemail here.  And both of you Patterson fans can try your hardest to reach me here.

Tomorrow I've got an important announcement to make, so check back in.  


Living the Biblios said...

Please don't say the site is ending. NO! I just discovered you. Just when the DOOR opens, it gets taken off the hinges.

D.C. Cramer said...

The quote "God is most glorified in us when we are most Calvified in Him" is worth the price of admission. Good stuff.

The real diary of TEDS student D.C. Cramer has some other criticisms of Piper's theology. If I may offer a shameless plug:


Tyler said...

That's so hot - J.I. Packer is the modern-day J.I. Packer.

Jeremy said...

Paige Patterson isn't the only Texan making headlines these days. What do you think about Roger Olson and the war of words being waged between Olson and John Piper? Olson's recent article on the bridge disaster in Minneapolis was a bit nasty towards Calvinists… what are your thoughts?

nc said...

pleaaaasse DO NOT take down this site. these folks put themselves out there...they are legitimate subjects for satire, etc. This uptightness and need to take oneself too seriously is precisely part of the problem.

D and TEDS needed to calm down, relax and get over themselves loooooong before this site ever existed.

He's a public figure and you are NOT meanspirited.

D.C. Cramer said...


I think Olson makes some interesting points in his article.

It seems that Piper is given free reign to say whatever he wants about Arminianism (even if it isn't always completely accurate), but when someone like Olson points out a problem spot in a deterministic Calvinist theology, people get uneasy.

Tell me what Olson actually says in his article that is inaccurate? It may not sound nice, but I think the issues he raises need some addressing.

The 'nasty' stuff is from the theology itself, not what Olson says about it!