Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Q & A with the Don #2

Well, folks, sorry for the blogging sabbatical but I've just been incredibly busy with writing and badminton (more on that tomorrow).  I trust that you all had wonderful holiday weekends and I appreciate the kind emails that some of you sent to Stephanie over the break.

I do NOT appreciate the requests for a date that some of you sent to Stephanie over the break.  Gentlemen, I realize she's an attractive young woman, but haven't we already talked about not looking creepy and pathetic?

Anyway, I'm over it.

I thought we'd take today to do a little Q & A.  That's right, we get email here at The Secret Diary of D.A. Carson, and this is your chance to get some of your questions answered.  Remember, if you have a question you'd like to have answered, you can email Steph and she'll give the good ones to me in order that my time is not wasted by the mediocre ones (don't take that the wrong way, folks; I'm very busy with badminton right now...but more on that tomorrow).

Okay, to the questions!

1.  "Fake Carson, don't you see that this blog is rigged so that anyone, like myself, who thinks this is a poor idea is "w/o a sense of humor" or "takes ourselves too seriously" or "needs to relax?"  -Matt Redmond

Yes, I do.  Brilliant, huh?

(ed. note: the above question was sent in by Matt Redmond, not Redman; THAT Matt has a sense of humor)

2.  "Hey, Fake Carson!  What do you think about global warming?"  - emerjerk79
This is a great question, and quite a timely one as well.  If you don't mind, let me give you just a little background on global warming.

Global warming is not a new concern, but it is a much more prevalent issue in the scientific community than it once was.  In 2006, scientists studying 30 years of thermal data for the United States noticed some disturbing trends:
  1. 1965's data showed above average temperatures to the extreme degree in central Texas; close to the Abilene area.  Over the next several years it had spread to envelop most of the state.
  2. In 1969, abnormal hot spots were turning up in New Orleans, Louisiana and moving out from there.
  3. 1973 saw Arkansas get hammered by what now appeared to be a nation-wide phenomenon at the very least.  The Fayetteville area in particular was hit hard by drastic heat increases.
  4. In 1980, the hot spots increased greatly in the Dallas, Texas area.  What ensued was one of the hottest decades in recorded history for the city and surrounding area.  Scientists were beginning to espouse several theories of greenhouse gasses, etc., but no one seemed to agree on the exact cause.
  5. In 1995, the extreme hot spots seemed to finally break out of the deep south, and North Carolina saw an above-average increase in temperature; the Wake Forest area was particularly devastated.
  6. Most recently, Dallas seems to be getting hammered once again as hot spots were more prevalent in 2005 than any previous year.
So what was the cause of all of these hotspots?  Scientists have debated over the figures, the exact causes, and the mountains of data for years without coming to a complete consensus.

As usual, the Don is here for you with the scoop and has figured out the only plausible solution way faster than the so-called "experts" have been able to cobble anything together.  Compare the above scientific data with this little chart:

Notice anything...peculiar?  Yep, that's Paige Patterson's career experience and there is a disturbing trend contained within it:

Everywhere that Patterson goes, the air gets hotter.

3.  "Hey, D.A.!  Quick question: what's the 'A.' stand for?"  -Alph

Well, originally my parents named me Donald Arthur, but I had the "A." legally changed to "Awesome" in 1978 shortly after I definitively defeated J.I. Packer in a game of badminton.  Old goat never even saw it coming...

4.  "In your opinion, why do many Americans have trouble locating the United States on a world map?" -(yeah, like, 8 different people asked this)

Well, I've thought long and hard on this, but I just can't seem to come up with as good an answer as this Emerjerk:

5.  "How do you keep in such fantastic shape?" -Ellie

Truthfully?  Badminton.  But more on that tomorrow.

Okay, that's all the time for Q & A today, but I'll be answering a few more tomorrow.  Remember, if you'd like to write in and have your question answered, feel free to drop Stephanie a line.  

1 comment:

Chaka said...

Hey, Don, I understand that TEDS is looking for a new president. Is there any possibility that your old friend Page Patterson would be interested in the job? I hear he really knows how to whip a seminary into shape.